This month marked the third year of the publication of my memoir Celebration of Sisters: It Is Never Too Late to Grieve. Thank you to WriteLife Publishing, readers, the podcasts and organizations who graciously invited me to share my story, hoping to help another surviving sibling. Thank you for your support, for taking the time to read memoir, my newsletter, and continuing to be part of my journey.
As we embrace the holiday season with family gatherings, traditions, memories, shopping, and excess eating, I want to acknowledge the empty chairs, the lost loved ones, and our sentiments regarding the holiday season. I am not an expert, however, based on my experience, planning can ease some of the anxiety and stress. Please know you are not alone.
Emotional exhaustion overcame me after Thanksgiving. I was grateful to have four generations of my family together, watching the pleasure and innocence of grandchildren as the three little cousins played. Benji, Jake, and Madelyn are precious gifts and bring their “Nini,” immense joy and laughter. My two daughters, two sisters, could share being mothers. I’m beaming yet my heart aches, wanting Margie and Jane beside me to share, laugh with me, to glance at me with a look only a sister understands. I make a chocolate chip sweet potato cake, a Thanksgiving tradition, which is known as Nini’s cake. We are creating memories to add to memories of Margie and Jane.
The past few months have been hectic. I moved, and for the first time in several years, celebrated my birthday, and attended the River Walk Adult Skating Camp. My birthday traditionally held a cloud because it was the last time I saw my sister, Jane. I know Jane would want me to celebrate, and this year I honored Jane and celebrated.
November marked the forty-third year of Jane’s passing and milestone birthday (65), and Margie’s milestone birthday (70). The dates coincided with the time I spent at River Walk. Skating brings me magic, connecting me to the fondest memories of Margie and Jane. This year the dates hit me hard. I shed many tears leading up to the dates. The decades of time passed unreal.
At camp, on the beautiful sheet of ice, amongst my fellow adult skaters, I broke down into tears. Why was this year challenging and sad? The waves of grief splashed harder and softer. Rather than suppress the feelings, I allowed myself to succumb to the feelings. And being at skating camp despite the emotions was the best medicine. I am grateful to share Margie and Jane with the Celebration of Sisters.
Today, there are more resources for surviving siblings. Please check out a wonderful resource, a community created by Lynn Shattuck, Alyson Shelton, and Molly Fowkes, hoping no one should be alone.
https://www.lossofalifetime.com
Wishing you all a Happy New Year! May you find peace, compassion, joy, and take time for yourselves in our busy lives and enjoy the surrounding gifts of family, friends, work, hobbies, travel, and new adventures.
Book Corner
Everywhere I Look, a beautifully rendered memoir of sisterhood, longing, true crime, and family secrets. A profoundly moving reckoning and love letter. After multiple losses in her life, Ona bravely wrote about the tragic loss of her twenty-five-year-old sister, after thirty years. A heartfelt memoir will pull you in from the first page- Ona’s devotion to her older sister, Angie.
Push Dick’s Button: A Conversation on Skating from a Good Part of the Century—and a Little Tomfollery by the “Voice of Figure Skating, Dick Button, is a combination of the teachings of skating, judging and wonderful tales of the legends of skating. Dick’s love of the sport of figure skating exuberates throughout.
Memory
Precious memories of birthday party celebrations with my beloved sisters. Margie, the birthday girl, sat at the head of the rectangular table enjoying a Hoodsie eaten with a small wooden spoon. Jane’s theme for her party, “Come dressed as your father,” wore our father’s fedora hat and necktie. A black and white polaroid taken by our father given as the party favor.
Skating
What an incredible gift to attend the RiverWalk Adult Skating Camp and be amongst a group of skaters and coaches with the shared love of figure skating! Thank you to Heidi Macdonald for a wonderful camp. Thank you to Randy Gardner, Elin Schran, Nancy Kerrigan, Mary Wanamaker, Kurt Browning, and Liz Manley for giving of yourselves, and your unwavering kindness, support, and wisdom of skating.
Back to the basics of skating with figures, edges, and turns. My time spent with the other skaters and coaches provided me with the confidence to attempt a spin and inside three turns - elements I have shelved for over a year!
Beautiful memories I will cherish for a lifetime!
I will leave you with the following:
"And of course I am thankful for the years we had, but that does not stop me from wishing we had known a few years more."~ Edward Lee
